Friday, May 27, 2011

Is anyone listening to me?


You may find this post is a bit different from the norm -  it's about some of my 'backyard buddies' - they are so cool. 
One morning last week while having coffee on the screened porch, one of the cows in the pasture that adjoins my backyard, was making some really weird mooing sounds. Of course, they do that fairly often, but perhaps the sound was such a contrast to the still of the early morning that it seemed different. 
I don't claim to know that much about cows, but he just kept on and on and I assumed this was his way of trying to communicate.  I say 'trying' because from where I was sitting, it was obvious no one was paying attention.  There were at least 40 or 50 cows in the pasture, each one doing his thing - slowing shifting from one spot to another as they grazed, seemingly oblivious to anything else around them.
As I observed and listened, I began to think how forlorn, but deliberate the sound was, as if to say, "I am here and what I'm feeling is important."

I'm sure you may be thinking, That poor woman - is it time for someone to contact her family  for an intervention, or at least, some counseling?

True, since moving here four years ago, I have gotten attached and have spent a good deal of time studying and analyzing my four-legged bovine neighbors.  This particular morning, though, was somehow different - maybe the woeful sound, or maybe my perception of what I was hearing.   

Thoughts came to mind of times I had 'tried' to reach out - but as with my pasture friend, I felt I was reaching into a void, a world of "I'm too busy, I don't understand, I have my own problems, just get over yourself!" Of course, this wasn't true at all, but in my lonely little place of unworthiness and all things negative, this was my belief.  Even God didn't care! How bad is that?  And so, for a long period of time, I detached myself from this cold, uncaring world and the One who created it.   

For so long, I would view these times as a 'blank' - an almost non-existent life in the black hole of nothingness had no purpose, no reason for being - nothing mattered and nothing was accomplished - a waste of time, waiting, for what I'm not sure - maybe for it to mercifully be over. Nothing could have been further from the truth.  God was present during those dark days - He knew eventually His Light would penetrate that darkness and His Truth would be revealed - in His Time - after my lesson was learned.

We are all taught in ways that we, as individuals, can comprehend and learn.  My friends in the pasture are a daily reminder of God's Presence in all things.  The fence between us may set a physical boundary, but I know I am free to go beyond, to go over the distant mountain to see what's on the other side - I am connected to all things and to all God's creatures.  They are here for a purpose, just as we all are. 

I don't worry about the cows like I used to when a storm was approaching, or when they had no where to lay except on the cold blanket of snow.  They survive - they were made to survive the elements. Who am I, questioning God? Instead I now see these amazing creatures as examples, as having purpose, as part of the whole.  I do, however, watch and listen more intently - " I hear you, I tell them, I am listening......" 

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