Friday, May 27, 2011

Is anyone listening to me?

You may find this post is a bit different from the norm -  it's about some of my 'backyard buddies' - they are so cool. 
One morning last week while having coffee on the screened porch, one of the cows in the pasture that adjoins my backyard, was making some really weird mooing sounds. Of course, they do that fairly often, but perhaps the sound was such a contrast to the still of the early morning that it seemed different. 
I don't claim to know that much about cows, but he just kept on and on and I assumed this was his way of trying to communicate.  I say 'trying' because from where I was sitting, it was obvious no one was paying attention.  There were at least 40 or 50 cows in the pasture, each one doing his thing - slowing shifting from one spot to another as they grazed, seemingly oblivious to anything else around them.
As I observed and listened, I began to think how forlorn, but deliberate the sound was, as if to say, "I am here and what I'm feeling is important."

I'm sure you may be thinking, That poor woman - is it time for someone to contact her family  for an intervention, or at least, some counseling?

True, since moving here four years ago, I have gotten attached and have spent a good deal of time studying and analyzing my four-legged bovine neighbors.  This particular morning, though, was somehow different - maybe the woeful sound, or maybe my perception of what I was hearing.   

Thoughts came to mind of times I had 'tried' to reach out - but as with my pasture friend, I felt I was reaching into a void, a world of "I'm too busy, I don't understand, I have my own problems, just get over yourself!" Of course, this wasn't true at all, but in my lonely little place of unworthiness and all things negative, this was my belief.  Even God didn't care! How bad is that?  And so, for a long period of time, I detached myself from this cold, uncaring world and the One who created it.   

For so long, I would view these times as a 'blank' - an almost non-existent life in the black hole of nothingness had no purpose, no reason for being - nothing mattered and nothing was accomplished - a waste of time, waiting, for what I'm not sure - maybe for it to mercifully be over. Nothing could have been further from the truth.  God was present during those dark days - He knew eventually His Light would penetrate that darkness and His Truth would be revealed - in His Time - after my lesson was learned.

We are all taught in ways that we, as individuals, can comprehend and learn.  My friends in the pasture are a daily reminder of God's Presence in all things.  The fence between us may set a physical boundary, but I know I am free to go beyond, to go over the distant mountain to see what's on the other side - I am connected to all things and to all God's creatures.  They are here for a purpose, just as we all are. 

I don't worry about the cows like I used to when a storm was approaching, or when they had no where to lay except on the cold blanket of snow.  They survive - they were made to survive the elements. Who am I, questioning God? Instead I now see these amazing creatures as examples, as having purpose, as part of the whole.  I do, however, watch and listen more intently - " I hear you, I tell them, I am listening......" 

Friday, May 20, 2011


Life changes, we change, priorities are revisited – time is more valuable the less we have. 
In recent weeks, for some reason unknown to me, I am becoming more aware of this, even in the most insignificant things – such as:  this evening while having dinner on my porch as I normally do in nice weather, something just came over me – a feeling of well-being, peace and the absolute sense of ‘this is my life and I am experiencing an extraordinary moment.’ 
Everything seemed to come together just as if it were planned – my favorite time of day when the sky is transitioning into dusk – a cool breeze moving the earlier rain clouds off to the east – the delicate scent of my new ‘Serenity’ candle – a fresh cup of coffee – my backyard birds chirping and flitting about preparing to settle down for the night – and to top it all off, my grandson sends a message that he and his fiancĂ©e, who is expecting their first child, a girl whose name will be McKenzie, were married this afternoon.
There are special moments in life when words are inadequate, when we are filled to overflowing, when we have an overwhelming desire to laugh and cry at the same time.   I had a strong sense that God paid me a visit on my porch this evening – and for no other reason, I think,  than to let me know He cares and wanted to share a special moment with me.  I truly believe this – now. 
Not too many years past, instead of feeling the Presence of God, I would be having a serious ‘pity party’ – poor me, alone again – feeling so detached, mentally and physically, from everything and everyone.  Those who have suffered from depression know these symptoms, those who have not, get on your knees and thank God!
I could have had the same dinner, same surroundings, same phone call, but would have viewed it all in a totally negative light, never recognizing that this was a gift, something that may only happen once in a lifetime.  I wonder, How many other special moments were there and I was unaware of them?
It amazes me that the Lord has loved me enough to keep believing in me, knowing that so often I am slow to learn, selfish and stubborn.  After all, He knows us better than we know ourselves – He knew us before the beginning, while we were yet unborn.
This is but one example of how my life has changed.  All God’s Blessings are good, but I think sometimes special ones are reserved for days like today.

Monday, May 16, 2011


TI realized many years ago that I have the need to write. Most times, when the spoken word fails me, the written word takes over.  Stacks of journals and folders hold an accounting of much of my life over the past twenty years.  Since taking an online 'Write your Life Story' course, my motivation to begin 'my story' has been given a shot in the arm.  This has been a project that has been left on the back burner for too long now.  If not now, when? I ask myself - and the reply was, It's time. 
Time to get out that box of endless writings and sort through, although I know before I begin that at least one day must be set aside in order to read them all - maybe two days.  Pulling this and that from the bits and pieces is going to be a daunting and emotional task, to say the least.  But I am committed.  My primary reason for documenting my story, other than for my children and grandchildren, is the desire to reach out to those who need encouragement and support, to know they're not alone.  Perhaps my story will help others to write theirs.
It is by life experiences that we learn our own truths and values and one important truth I have learned is that we are each created with our own special gifts to bestow in whatever way might be of help or service to our fellow man.  The Lord has been nudging me in the direction of writing for quite a while now and I intend to follow His lead, taking the leap of faith that will turn my dream into reality, and to believe at the end of the day I made a difference.
"If it's going to be, it's up to me."  Dr. Robert Schuller
Posted by Bobbie Edwards at 2:47 PM